I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I am available for nakedness
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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