the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
40s are totally the cure
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
