dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize