Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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