is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize