I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
