Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
