i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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