just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
