i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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