hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
