i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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