My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize