In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
