tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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