I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
