"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
