just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
