I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
