How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I can text with my tongue
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
