Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
