So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
