R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize