well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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