I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
