Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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