just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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