If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am one with the molecules
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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