Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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