So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So vagazzling was a success
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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