R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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