Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
