apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We had sex on a dog bed..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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