Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
