I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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