He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
how drunk are you?
Several
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize