508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
