you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
