I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
