why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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