i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
