I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
