Buhtt sex?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
