just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
