it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
