whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
