My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
