i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
