I think my fart just growled at me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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