What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize