U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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