apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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