On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
