im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
