that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How does it feel to date your dad?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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