So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize