Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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