Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
