I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
