haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
