I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
only if we run a train.
done.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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