If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
