Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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