Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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