it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
