my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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