First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
