Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
