are you still at the devil's house?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
